Monday, December 15, 2014

Inspiration...on the Prairie of Williston North Dakota

Inspiration… where does yours come from?  I am inspired by my children each and every day...(and Ray,my husband, but that's for another post) They are all so different and I see each of them growing and changing each and every day.  They were all very fine 2 years ago, with our new “adventure” to Williston North Dakota and now that the novelty has worn off they are finally back to normal.  I think we were all on eggshells for some time… I know, that sounds crazy!  But I think we were all afraid to say that we were scared of the change and so desperately wanted to make it into that adventure we spoke of.  I think that I was worried about the fragility of my kids and the guilt won me over more times than I care to admit!  I felt terrible making my children move and have all of these changes forced on them.  There is strength in numbers and if the name Senior is in any way associated with that number you have Super Strength!  Yes, I know there are military families that move often and yes, people move all the time. But I did not sign up for that! As a matter of fact Ray and I did not date while he was in the Navy for precisely that reason!  This move and all of these changes are shaping our lives and making us better people, I am inspired everyday by my children, they are resilient and incredible little people…
Logan, he is the epitome of first child syndrome, he is an over achiever, it helps that he is the first to do everything so it becomes a big deal. How could it not.  Now that he is a Junior in High School I am struggling with how to build him up and get him ready to face the world without setting him up to fail because in our eyes he has gotten so many accolades.  They are not misplaced, he works hard, he learned that from his Dad (he would never admit that)he knows that hard work pays off in the end.  Logan…Clever, diligent and obstinate.  He will go far, we will always be proud and will always worry, he will be the first to be on his own and we will send him off with love and pride, knowing he will succeed.  My worst fear is that in this big world he is going out into will eat him up and spit him out a couple of times before he gets it...with his tenacity he will be able to dust himself off and try again! 
Dillon, 2nd child but also (one of the) middle child, He and Logan are only 15 months apart so the milestones for Dillon come right after Logan.  He doesn’t know it any differently I tend to say to myself (to make myself feel better) but he is the one I think suffers because of it.  He is such a beautiful child!  He has the biggest heart and always the people pleaser.  Ask… for help or anything… and he is there, loyal and loving.  Everything that happens in Dillon’s world affects him deeply.  He tries so hard in school but good grades don’t come easy for him.  Whatever the grade we are proud.  But what I am most proud of is his inner light.  He cares deeply and in turn everything hurts just a deep.  He is always inside himself and Never Ever wants to be a burden.  He is anything but, Dillon is a joy and his sweet and carefree interior is what makes him one of the most genuine people you will ever meet.  This move has taught him that he really can do anything, just put his mind to it… it will happen.  He is not in his brother’s shadow… He is the light that makes the shadow, and his heart is what creates the blinding brightness that Dillon glows!
Mirada, 3rd child, first daughter and also middle child.  Wow that right there says so much.  I remember when I found out she was a girl! I was so excited to buy pink girly things… Oh that bedroom looked like Pink threw up in it!  Now she wants to throw up of the thought of the color pink!  Ironic right?  Oh to be a girl and 13… She doesn’t want to fit in, but she does… I remember it but I had no idea what it would look like from a Moms perspective.  She loves to laugh and make others laugh too, she gets that from her Dad, but would never EVER admit it.  I am not sure I have ever met anyone her age that was so funny.  Her quick wit and sensitivity makes her one of a kind.  Because of her humor, she is less in the background, she is beautiful and that puts her right in the forefront sometimes…she would rather not be anywhere near the front, at this time in her life, I hope that one day she embraces her beauty wears it proudly…She loves everyone and is learning that she deserves respect as well,  I hope that she will always demand that!   She could easily be the classic middle child…but I have spent many hours of my life showing my daughters that you have to be strong.  Sometimes this gets Mirada in a little trouble because she will stand up for what she believes in.  Until the end!  It is so frustrating, but quietly I beam with pride because I see the inner strength and fortitude she has.  This generation has it harder than we did and I watch her struggle with it all.  If you are able to break thru the hard outer crust she has built around her, you are in for one of the most wonderful treats of belly laughs and acts of kindness that will ever be bestowed upon you! This is going to be the hardest time of your life, my sweet girl, keep doing what you are and “You be you”  that’s all we can ask for! 
Sydney, baby Sissy, the fourth, the last, the Baby.  Wow, she can’t stand being called the baby but wants to curl up in a ball sit on my lap still.  She wants to be a big girl but give her the chance and she will pull the baby card as often as she can. She is so headstrong.  She never gives up (I have no idea where she gets that from) from the day she was born she has been trying to wear me down and one day she just might win.  She is the classic redhead, green/hazel eyes and freckles, with one glance you know she is into mischief.  She has many nicknames and Hurricane Sydney is one of them.  I have no idea how one little, tiny skinny girl can make such a mess!  She is a Hot mess!  She loves her brothers and sister so much and strives to be just like them!  But in the next few years I know she is going to give us a run for our money!  She is just starting to realize who Sydney is and she is a pretty great person.  She loves to help, wants to try just about anything and loves being the center of attention.  That’s not easy being the last of 4 kids all born in 5 years!  She has always had an angelic beauty but once you see past that you know there is a little demon in there somewhere.  (Yes, I said demon!) Sydney has a persona that is all her own, I know she is going to be ok in the long run because of her strength and determination, anyone lucky enough to be part of Sydney's inner circle is a blessed & lucky person.  Stay the baby for a little while longer my child, being one of the big kids isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!
 (Me, Dana Baby Brother, Debi and Donna Big Sisters)
When I was younger I assume that inspiration came from my parents.  They inspired me in many ways to be the woman I am today. 
The one thing I was taught and I hope my children to carry on is:  Treat everyone equally, This has been my mantra before I even knew what a mantra was... It doesn't matter what you do for a living, what color your skin is or who you decide to date or marry... treat everyone the same, your life will be more rewarding if you are genuine and not only care for others, but show them. 
Today, I am inspired by my beautiful family.  Of course there are good days and bad, but if we didn’t have those bad days, we wouldn’t be the people we are now.  I find that on the bad days I tend to look inward or backward.  I glance inward and ask myself who holds me up when I am down. I do.  I glance backward and ask who held me up when I was struggling.  I did.  But not without the love and support of my family.  While I was growing up my Dad worked hard, he was rarely home at night and if he was he was dozing in the recliner with the news on the TV.  My mom was always carting us around, making sure we were safe or making dinner or folding laundry, you know doing all that Mom stuff...I remember how strong she was, WOW she went through many things and always with such dignity, I don't think I would ever be as strong as she was after losing 2 Adult children.  No one should ever have to go thru that, she fought cancer with a vengeance, twice...Once for my Dad and once for herself.  The Strength she had was indescribable, if I am only half the woman she was, I will be happy!   When we were growing up she kept my Dad up to date on what was going on and he was always quick to offer a hug or a victory dance in the living room.  (Usually to the sounds he was making with his mouth, he had no idea he was beat boxing at the time, the term didn’t even exist) 
I know that each of us kids were their inspiration.  I don’t remember them going out with friends or having many date nights.  What I do remember is: my Dad always making sure that once a year they went on a phenomenal vacation somewhere across the globe. They took that time to celebrate their achievements that year!  When we got older they would be gone for 2 weeks and we would hold some of the most epic parties that Palm Springs High School had ever seen.  Thank goodness YouTube didn’t exist or I would have been in HUGE trouble!  Nonetheless, I know we were their focus, their world, their inspiration.  I know I was loved, so very much and I have my brother and sisters to remind me of that.  I am convinced that my children will be better people because of our move to Williston, North Dakota…I know I am!